J'aime les escargo! Et les baguettes!

I'm tired and I want to sleep. I don't know why. I wen to bed early last night but still... I can't seem to shake my exhaustion. Maybe it's depression. Or stress.

Sorry I haven't updated in so long btw.

Obsessed with FMA now. And once again the main character's my fave.

I can't stay focused for more than five seconds.

The flashing advertisement is distracting me.

That's it. I'm done writing this. Thanks for listening.

Devi 

Today I:
Got the day off because of a massive snow storm.
Found out that me and my friends got into the new dorm Woot!
Watched Robin Hood: Men in Tights (Great movie)

All in all, it was an excellent day and I really enjoyed it.

Devi 

Went to fencing. Got my butt kicked by my first ex. The good news is that I kicked my room mate's butt. That made me feel a little better. Unfortunately, the first ex tried to "apologize" for beating me and took my smacking him the wrong way. I wasn't doing it because I was bitter; I did it because I was saying that I was okay with the loss. I tell ya, no one understands me. Then again, I can sort of see how they can misconstrue my actions.
I think I need to up my pill dosage. My anxiety has been getting worse; I'm more tired than usual; and my motivation is going down the drain. It's getting bad. I'm going to call my psychiatrist and tell him about it... eventually!
I still need to send an email to SOAR and make sure that they remember me.
I got this nifty journal. On each page there are instructions telling you how to further destroy/create the journal. It's really fun! I plan on taking the journal for a walk soon.Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Is anime an immature thing? Sometimes I feel like watching the shows is a waste of time. Sure they can be entertaining but I just feel like I could be doing something more constructive with my time. This also extends to my time on the comp. Sometimes, when I'm admiring pics of my fave characters, I feel like I'm wasting my time. And I continuously feel like I have to do something big and important. Like if I don't do somehow change the world, then my life will have been a complete waste, a failure. Something. Somehow. Sometime. Or else.

Devi 

Anger for me! I got level 5 for the online dante inferno quiz.

I've been found by the kids back home.
I was briefly reminded why I don't read the second ex's journals. Boy am I glad my life has meaning!
We're going to have cake today in AE! Yay!
Hoping that I get to be an OA and that I get into the new dorm. Those are my current ambitions.
Thanks for listening!

Devi 

Sitting here waiting for my flight. Parents dropped me off two hours early. So now I'm anxious and bored. At least I have the internet. Hate it when there's no free internet access.
Oh gosh, they have the Price is Right on. I wish they didn't.
I have several OA essays to do, but I'm not really in the mood. At least I started on them. I also have three hours waiting for my shuttle to work on it.
Gosh I'm anxious! Muscles keep tightening and my eyes keep going unfocused. Can't concentrate. Keep looking at the tv. Wish I had more self-control than that because this show is really stupid.
I should just take my earplugs out and listen to my music.
Ah hah! She lost! She picked the wrong box! Ah hah!
Man, there's the Progressive Commercial. Hate it.
Flight's still on time. That's good.
Ahhh... what else can i yap about? Uh, there's an old, large, annoying lady just called up on the show. She's yelling, crying, and kissing everyone in sight. And now a dude just got called up. Oh boy, there's a brand new car!
Am I back yet?
Yup, he didn't get the brand new car. Too bad.
Almost time to start boarding! Yay!
Found a friend on deviantart. We spend all our time talking about how much L rocks and how much Kira sucks. That sounds SO wrong. But it's true. Kira is not my fave character. L is.
 Lady is explaining boarding. She doesn't sound to excited about it. Don't blame her; it's pretty boring. If I had her job, I'd have fallen asleep by now. I think I'm going to fall asleep right now... and I'm a passenger!
11:20 am. Wonder when the plane is going to get here. Better get here soon. Then we'll board and I'll land in Philly. Then I'll board again and then I'll land in Rhode Island. Yay for small states! 
Snore. They're spinning the wheel on the show. Some old white haired man won. Booooo!
Playing classical music over the intercom. Cool. 
Wonder what my parents are doing right now. Probably asleep. Lucky duckies. Wish I could be asleep right now (without my contacts in of course). 
Ooh! plane is here. Going to close up now.

Thanks for listening!

Devi
 

- Watched a mass suicide. People jumped off buildings, falling to their deaths. Dream was DN-esque.
- Got raped in my parents' room by total stranger. Then went outside to discover that my car had been destroyed. Windows broken and tires slashed.
- Climbed underwater ladder. Inhaler was used as air source. Had to carry something with me to the water's surface. Absolutely HAD to be the first one there, competition. Succeeded.

Dream descriptions are in order of occurence. I probably had more dreams than are listed here but these are the ones that stuck with me. 

Devi

Don't know why I'm writing this but... what the heck!

DN:

L- the only character that could make eating a doughnut rated R
B- the only character that could make blood/jam sexy
Kira- the only character that could make death look like a hobby
Misa- the only character that could make me wish that imitating Jar Jar Binks was illegal
Near- the only character that could make playing with toys look like solving a quadratic equation
Matt- the only character that could make smoking look sexy
Mello- the only character that could make facials scars look ugly
Mikami- the only character that could make death look annoying

Thanks for listening!

Devi

Six houses today. Six! I'm so tired... I just want to go to sleep now. However, ma will look funny at me if I do. So, I'm going to stay up a little bit longer and hope that tomorrow is better. If not, I think I'll die of exhaustion.

Working on fanfiction. Death Note fandom of course. Centers around L, naturally. I'm having a hard time writing it, most certainly. The story starts out with L waking up after passing out from exhaustion; he overworked himself. Watari suggests he takes a week-long vacation to Wammy House to recoup before going back on the job. L, after a while, agrees and they make the journey. Once there, L's greeted by his adoring fans/successors. However, all is not well. An evil person has discovered the genius camp and L, and he/she has plans to destroy them for good. Consequently, L and his rag tag group of smart kids have to work together to uncover the identity of their attacker and put him/her behind bars. Woo hoo...

I have about a paragraph of the thing done. Hoping I'll be able to finish it.

Uhhh... Not sure what else to say. I think I'll leave the entry at this. Thanks for listening.

Devi 

Didn't do much today, of course. Ma got me up at 12 pm; I hung out online and did a little reading. Not much. But it was good seeing as how I have to do so much work during the week. Not happy about my lack of writing though. It was something I wanted to catch up on but for some reason I'm not much in the mood for it. Not motivated.

Got a couple of responses from my profs in regards to what books I'll need to purchase for next year. One, my crit. writing prof told me of one book that I'll need. My psyche prof wrote back too. He told me to go look at the bookstore's online website. Disappointing, but here's the funny thing. He signed his name, Dr. L! LOL! I'm still laughing about that!

Anyway, gtg. Thanks for listening.

Devi 

And dang it, I don't want to look old. I enjoy evoking envy from those who actually look their age. Appearing young is nice... pleasant... and somehow evil (which is fine with me).

Anyway, Christmas and birthday were fine. I got stuff, including some cold, hard cash. Tomorrow I'll be returning to work. On Saturday I'll be going shopping! Woot!

Uhhhh... What to say? I know there was something I wanted to add in here. Oh yeah, I asserted myself. Don't do that nearly enough.

Uploaded four deviations onto deviantart. Photography, a sort of hobby of mine.

I baked a pie! Lemon meringue pie. Yummm.... Old man was supposed to make it for me, but he never got around to it so I made it myself. Turned out pretty good too.

I'm on the Dean's List. 3.6 GPA. Not bad. Don't feel as if I deserve it but I'll take it. Any evidence that I'm intelligent is welcome. *sigh* I have an image in my head of what I wish to be. Super smart, beautiful, talented, clever, cool-headed, manipulative, funny... perfect- a mixture of all my fave characters. I want Yami's passion and luck, Yugi's certainty that friendship is all that in a bag of potato chips, Kaiba's defiance, L's intelligence and independence, Kira's persuasiveness, Artemis' wittiness, Ken's kindess, Megaman's charisma, Tally's specialness, Haku's and Howl's magic, Danny Phantom's ghost powers and cuteness, Halt's aim, Elizabeth I's inner strength, Joan of Arc's and Socrates' ability to die for one's beliefs. If I had all this I'd be in pretty good shape. But life's never easy so... I really shouldn't complain. My life isn't THAT bad. I just wish it was easier.

Thanks for listening.

Devi

 

(I probably spelled every single word in the title wrong but who cares? It's not like anyone reads this journal anyway.)

I think people are angry with me and I don't know why. Well, I think I know why Kelsey is upset with me. It's because of the L doll incident. I guess I've managed to become untrustworthy. For that I'm sorry. I never meant to appear that way. I am trustworthy and I wouldn't steal from a friend! And I don't care for a doll more than a friend! I'm sorry if I ever came across that way. But... It appears that I have. Go figure.

I finally find friends and I manage to drive them all away even though I had nothing but good intentions. But that's my lot in life, isn't it?

Devi 

I'm lonely.  

Devi 

If I weren't defiant I would say how much I hate everyone. Well, maybe not hate, but how angry I would be at all of them. I would be angry at the second ex because he's always so depressed and, let's face it, it would be getting VERY old. I would be angry at Chris because he hates everyone and, like the second ex's depression, that would be getting very old as well.  I would be angry at Kelsey because I don't understand why she's so against sleeping over at my house. I would be angry at myself for allowing myself to be angry because I'm supposed to be the strong one.  I'm supposed to become a psychologist. I'm supposed to be a good friend. I'm not allowed to be weak. So understandably I would be angry. Would be...

But I'm not going to be angry, sad, fearful, confused, or any other negative feeling that a normal human being would be experiencing right now. That's because I'm not normal. I am Devianta Krale- proud, strong, and defiant to the last. I stand tall and I remember... I can overcome my fears and problems. If depression tries to take my citadel I fight and I don't take no for an answer, not like my second ex who let himself fall. I don't let anger so completely cloud my vision, not like Chris. And I give straight answers when someone asks me a question, not like Kelsey.

These are my college years, the happiest years of my life. Whether anyone wishes to join me... well, that's up to them. If they want to sit back and let sadness, hatred, and fear chain them, then so be it! There's nothing in this world that's going to keep me down. Break ups? Screw the idiot who says I'm not good enough. Negative companions? Have they never heard of medication? People who are probably hanging out with me because they feel they have no other choice? Oh well, at least I'll have some entertainment for the day. Screw the rules; I'm Devianta.

So, I'm not angry. I'm not sad. I'm not pathetic enough to let others hold me back. It's all right; it's okay; you never loved me anyway.

Devi 

What's that spell? Random!

Not much to say. Updating mostly just to let you know I'm still alive. "I'm not even angry... I'm being so sincere right now; even though you broke my heart and killed me."

Sorry. Randomly breaking out into song and quoting is common nowadays.

Had a sleepover at Kelsey's house last night. Was fun. We went to the mall and bought movies, candy, a Death Note deck, and Gir friendship necklaces. Saw a L shirt there that I wanted but it was expensive so I didn't get it. Also saw a L keychain. I want that too. I also want a Gir shirt and other Gir accessories. Gir and L are awesome.

Played Wii bowling and rat screw. Won all of the above. Played Brawl and lost. But that's to be expected. Brawl is confusing.  

Christmas family party tonight. Ate A LOT of food. Pumpkin pie... Mmmmmm... 

Thanks for listening, journal.

Devi

Hello,

Back "home" in PA. The flight home was eventful but I don't feel like talking about it. Kind of bored with the story already. That's sad, when all it takes a couple of hours to be bored with your own story. I don't feel like doing work for ma's business either. She just asked me if I wanted to file. Told her no. Not interested in cutting my fingers on those papers for the next I don't know how many hours. Probably till we leave, around 5. Doesn't sound like fun. Then again, sitting here on the comp isn't much fun either. I suppose I could work on my vid, but I don't want ma to catch me doing it. That'd ruin the surprise. Can't wait to get back to my room. I'm tired and itchy. I desperately want to take a shower and nap for a couple of hours. 

Just searched youtube for interesting death note parodies. I was disappointed. The people on there have a completely illogical sense of humor. I have no idea what made them think that what they posted was funny, but for some reason they are under that delusion. I only found a few vids that could be considered funny. One group of vids is by Silentreaper. Then there are a few others, like the chibi-fied screams and the Stranger than Death vid, they're pretty funny. But then there are some that are just so... pointless. They claim to be parodies but they don't have a point. There was this one with Light and Yugi "dueling". Nothing happened. Light just said, "hey yugi, I'm going to win" and yugi replied "i feel like i'm losing my best friend". That was it. Where the **** was the joke?! There was none! It was pointless! The quadratic formula has more of a purpose than that!

The coating on the inside of my bracelet rubbed off and now my skin's having an allergic reaction to the metal underneath. However, that bracelet was given to me by my psychologist. It means a lot to me so I'm going to continue wearing it no matter how red and puffy my skin gets (not to mention itchy). 

It's snowy here. And thirty degrees.

 The cookies ma gave me didn't taste very good for some reason. I don't know why; they just didn't seem right.

I hate the internet in this building. It's like a slug and it reacts funny to youtube. Is it time to go back to college yet? Or back "home"? I want to take a nap. I've been up for over 12 hours. I want to pass out. Maybe I can take my contacts out and put my head down on the desk. It wouldn't be in the least bit comfortable but at least I could close my eyes. Then again, it's less than three hours till we can go home. What's two hours? I can probably make it that long. Maybe. That's really the active word in this case. Maybe. It's not certain but it's a possibility. 

Thanks for listening, journal.

Devi

P.S. L is hot.

I don't want to go home and work.

I want a L plushie.

Mikami is a bastard and deserves to die more than Light (that's saying something). I wish someone would post the sub or dub of DN Rewrite: L's Successors.

I'm done with all my work. I just have to resell my books, pack, etc. I don't wanna leave! I don't want to go work with The Maids again... I don't wanna deal with Denise. Haven't I been tortured enough? Why do I have to deal with the ***** again?! This sucks so much.

I need to work on my video. Need to take some clips tomorrow so I have enough film to make a really good short movie. I have to finish the personal website I've been working on. Did I mention that I don't want to go back?

Need to clean up my room. It's a mess. Oh! Need to give Ann her Christmas gift. I'll just give everyone else their gift later. Need to do my laundry. More money down the drain. Garbage needs to be taken out.

Nick kept insulting L earlier. Threw cold water in his face. Guess he doesn't know a good character when he sees one.

Thanks for listening, journal.

Devi 

The last essay is going to be late. I think the teacher said that the essay has to be emailed to her at the same time class would start normally... I think. Like it matters though because the thing is going to be late. I don't think it'll be done until around two or something. Class is at 11. I'm screwed but oh well. It's not like I haven't turned stuff in late before.

I love this little L plushie that Kelsey let me borrow. It's so cute!

The weather is wonderful. Tis overcast and windy. The temperature is just right so the wind doesn't feel like ice. I could stand out there forever and let the wind make love to me. 

The kids in the common room are too loud. Very annoying.

Gotta get going. Thanks for listening, journal.

Devi 

I procrastinated today as I always do. However, I plan on staying up till around four and work on these stupid history essays.

I had a revelation today. Wrote about it earlier in a private entry so no use talking about it now.

I learned all possible meanings of the word 'cake' today. Screw Death Note's cryptic jokes! I believe in purity of character! I also believe that innocent objects shouldn't be associated with anything sexual. I mean, that's just freaking wrong. Sometimes, I really hate society's dirty mind... and then I remember how dirty mine can be and I end up hating myself. But then again, I hate myself on a regular basis so it doesn't really matter. But still... 

Anyway, Derek gave Kelsey a L plushie for Christmas. Kelsey let me carry it around for a while. I was told that I am cute. I was not allowed to hold on to the plushie for studying purposes. Therefore, I was forced to give it back. Kelsey says I'm allowed to visit the plushie. I wish I had my own L plushie... and Yuki Sohma plushie... and a shroom plushie. I like plushies. 

I'm sick again. Runny nose and sore throat. I'm screwed. If my immune system continues to be this weak then I'm dead when I go back to work at The Maids. 

Guess I should get back to my work. Thanks for listening, journal.

Devi